Control
by In Smithereens
Summary: "So she watches, eyes wide open, mouth tightly closed and tears threatening, a hand protecting her rounding stomach." Remus is sent out of control, all Tonks can do is watch. Rated T for emotional scenes.


Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, nor am I affiliated with Scholastic and/ or Warner Bros. so obviously, I do not own the Harry Potter series, or intend to make any profit from said series.

Set during Deathly Hallows.

The newspaper was on the floor when she got home, that was the first sign of trouble. Remus was almost annoyingly tidy, and even if he had been called away he would have at least folded the paper. She then checked for a note, sifting through piles of mail, looking behind old notes on the fridge and even checking the floor for loose pieces of paper. She didn't find one. They were at war, a person doesn't leave a specified location without writing a note or sending a patronus. Tonks told herself not to panic, he hadn't trained under Mad-Eye, perhaps he forgot, perhaps he had only popped out for a moment and would be home soon, laughing at her for worrying. Though that didn't seem like a very Remus-ish thing to do. She noticed a cup of tea on the kitchen table and went to feel it, if it was still warm then he couldn't have been gone long. It was still warm, he couldn't have been gone for long. She had left a few hours ago to erect wards on the Weasley home, trying to keep that house safe at least. So she couldn't contact anyone, the Order didn't have the time or the numbers to go looking for someone who had been missing for less than twenty-four hours, these days.

Sighing, she sat down at the table and prepared to wait. The Prophet seemed like a good distraction, though not the most informative thing nowadays so picked it up off the floor. Reading the first article on the front page, her eyes widened and she stood up, pushing the table away from her. Apparently three children had been killed by a werewolf during the last moon, a moon that Remus had been unable to secure Wolfsbane for. Each child lived in the surrounding area.

"Bastards," she hissed. Remus had been tricked into thinking he had killed. What? Was the opposition scared to take him on in a duel? Did they have to be so cowardly as to manipulate and lie to him? The next question that came to mind was far more urgent. Where had he gone?

_Remus pushed through the crowds in Diagon Alley, keeping his head up so everyone would recognise him as the man from the wanted posters. When he reached Gringotts he stopped and looked around, people hadn't noticed him. When Padfoot and Prongs wanted attention at school they generally climbed up the highest thing possible. He smiled, he had always been scared of heights (well, not heights really, more the falling to his death if he fell from such heights). Not today, though. Today he learnt that he had done what would truly make him a monster. Today he was just as bad as Greyback. Today he was going to die, he was going to ensure that at least one monster didn't stay in the world. He climbed up to the first balcony of Gringotts, surprised that while the bank was heavily warded against magical intrusions, physical means seemed to be fine. Then people started to notice him._

Before Tonks had time to think of a plan, a patronus in the form of a horse swept into the room, it paused before it began to speak in Fleur Weasley's distinctive French accent.

"Remus is outside Gringotts, come quickly." Without thought, she apparated away.

Looking at her husband was painful. The calm, collected man she had fallen in love with had been torn away and replaced by something twisted, something hopeless and manic.

_For as long as he could remember, he had been trying to hold this in, to contain this hopeless part of him. But he had managed it, even after he almost killed Snape, even after James, Lily and Sirius had died, even after he learnt about Peter's betrayal. He had always kept himself in control. But he could see now that he had never been in control, he had just been lucky, lucky not to have killed anyone, lucky not to have heard about it if he had. Uncontrollable things destroyed everything around them, he had read that somewhere. There was only destruction ahead of him, that was all he was, all that one night in his childhood had made him. Had Greyback felt like this when he killed his first person? Was that what turned him, what completely dehumanised him? Remus didn't want to find out. Didn't want to become that. He was a dangerous animal, and dangerous animals have to be put down._

"Oi, get down from there!" A shopkeeper calls up to Remus, and Tonks nearly laughs. That'll set him straight. She tries to shout out to him, but she doesn't know what to say, she can't tell him the real news, couldn't take the chance on that getting out. And even if she does, would that save him? Or would it give him another reason not to live? More people join the crowd and the Aurors arrive, well, Death Eaters given the privileges of Aurors, nothing like what she was, what Moody had taught her to be. She knows that she can't fight them off, and know that they see Remus standing up there pointing his wand at them as a threat, anyway, Remus is wanted by the Ministry. All of the Order are. She knows that she could probably fight them, with his help. But stray curses are even more dangerous in her condition, she can't fight them, can't risk it.

So she watches, eyes wide open, mouth tightly closed and tears threatening.

_They're approaching now, it won't be long. He's such a coward, having someone else do this. Selfish too, other people are watching, other people will have to remember this. He chuckles, it's wartime, they'll have to see death sooner or later. He wonders about an afterlife, his mother had been Catholic, they believe that suicides go to Hell. Well, he's not doing this as a favour to himself. And he wouldn't want to face her, or his friends if they knew what he had done. He hoped for nothingness, for a deep sleep. _

The first curse hits and immobilizes him, the second kills him, in a hideous slicing manner. The crowd is silent. Apparently babies can remember sounds they heard in the womb. She shields her stomach, wondering if her baby would remember the sound of his father's death.

Author's Note: That was cheerful, wasn't it? This has been knocking around my head since I heard Paul Jacobsen and The Madison Arm's cover of Kathleen Edwards' song 'Six O'Clock News', which is about a pregnant woman hearing about the father of her child presumably going mad, going out with a gun and being killed by police officers (well, that's how I interpret it). So I immediately thought about Tonks, because I have to give songs meanings for fictional characters. The song is amazing, so give it a listen (the cover is much sadder than the original) and maybe give me a review (or song/band/singer suggestion), I do requests!


End file.
